Life as we know it!!

4 years!! 4 years since i wrote anything! Oh how i have missed this!! Its funny, how we don't end up taking out time for what we enjoy doing.. And the justification we give ourselves is that we were busy.. For most of us, busy doing things which we don' even like, if not hate.. 

They say age brings maturity, i think age brings complacency.. And thats the worst part of getting older.. We become ok with things, we accept whatever is thrown at us, we get used to compromising on everything.. Specially our happiness.. Is this really how i want to live for whatever little time i have left on this "not so good" earth.. The obvious answer is no.. But the question then is, what the hell am i doing about it? Well, pretty much nothing.. I just sit with a drink, contemplate on life, crib about it, cry about it but then tomorrow comes and its the same as yesterday.. I need to change.. Change this callousness towards life and happiness.. I deserve better! We all deserve better!

Cheers to life i say!! And cheers to change! 

Have to HAVE TO write today!! Very rarely am I as happy as I am today.. No special day at all.. Just happy.. Had great fun yesterday with friends!! And got flowers from a friend today!! As I said, nothing special or extravagant.. But it’s just nice.. I so love getting flowers.. It is probably the only gift I can get which can cheer me up as much as they do!!

On that happy note, a pessimistic one :-) i hope this continues..

Goodbye 2009...

It feels as if I owe my blog this post..For one last time this year..It’s been one of the toughest years of my life..Have had so much to cope up with..Have fought, both with others and within me..Have lost many important people in my life, even though they are still around..Anyway, I can go on and on about cribbing about my life..But I don’t want to end it this way..What I want to remember of this year is the fact thatt I have made great friends..Have learnt that loneliness is not necessarily bad..Have pushed myself to see my pain threshhold and realised that I am quite strong..Have leant to smile even though what was happening in front of me was one of the saddest things that has happened..Have finally shifted to a job that I believe that I want to do..Have given myself hope J (sounds very cliched na!)..But in the end..This year has been worth every second..Happy or otherwise..

It’s been a long time since I wrote anything. Well life has completely changed since then. I have started with a new job which I like, have made new friends whom I like (☺), have changed my way of living a little, have become more open to changes, have given myself room for making erroneous judgments and still be happy about them, have started wearing jeans more often (that too the relatively fitting ones!), have started looking forward to evenings with myself more, have started to try to think less (thanks to a friend who keeps on reminding me of how useless it is), have started to look for reasons and ways of cheering myself up from within me, have started going home early, have started expecting less and being more content, have started listening to music more, have started to looking forward to things like “gol gappas” and “chuskis” on a winter night and so much more….

Have finally started to grow up I think ☺

Ok.. Lets face the truth.. I am scared.. Actually so scared that i don't remember the last time i slept for an hour without waking up.. Life is revolving much much faster that i can catch up with.. Though i do feel that i am trying to get a grip on things, but its really tough.. How does one make oneself stop feeling something you feel so much! I guess i need to learn to make my mind rule my emotions.. And not vice versa!

Anyway.. As my gmail status message says.. It'll get better.. I hope..

Love..Aaj Kaal

Saw "Love Aaj Kal".. And all i could do was cry.. It was almost like seeing my life unfold in front of me.. I remember that scene where Dipika is sitting alone in her flat with just a candle light and crying.. And all I could think was that this is how I am going to end up too.. Alone.. I know that the movie had a happy ending, well it had to.. It's a movie but I don't think my life is going to end up in a happy ending..

I can't believe that life has reached such a stage.. I seemed to have lost so much of me.. It's almost like i have to find my footing all over again.. Never in my life have i wanted to cry and have had no one to call.. Never have i felt so vulnerable.. Never have i looked for a hug and found no one to hug me back :-(

Everyday I hope that things get better.. But they seemed to have just get worse..

It's unbelievable the amount of pain i am going through right now..Everything is a mess..I am so scared..I don't know how i will manage..I have never prayed for so much strength as i do now..