Mumbai Meri Jaan..

I never thought it will hurt to miss a city!!I mean, yeah..You miss people..And that hurts..But a city??The truth is..That it does..And it hurts like hell..

To me, Mumbai is Bombay..It's the city which has made me who i am..The city which has given me the most happiness..The city which has given me the most beautiful relationships of my life..Be it friends..Or more than that..It somehow feels good..The air, it makes me feel happy..It makes me feel like this is the place i want to spend the rest of my life with (I do hope i gett o spend the rest of my life there!)I know people have a million complaints about that city..The population, the over crowded locals, the smell, the fast pace etc etc..But its all that that i love Bombay for and soooo much more..I love the fact that i can roam around in that city at 1 o'clock in the nigt in an auto and not lose a heart beat!!I don't have to be on my toes all the time, looking out for people trying to swindle me..I don't have to listen to cheap comments made on me (It does happen, but its far lesser compared to Delhi!)More than anything else, i feel at peace there..That everything will sort out..I never thought a city can make me feel this way about me and life..But it does..Probably it is coz i have spent the most "defining" years of my life my there..Or probably it is the people i have met there whom i have grown to love..Or whatever, it's irrelevant..And i miss it..Like i miss the people i love..I am dying to get back there..

Perfect Date..

Have you seen that episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. where Ross and Rachael are in the planetarium??If you have then you might get a little idea about what i am going to write now..

Am one of those moderately romantic females who expect a card and flowers on her birthday but not on the rest 364 days of the year..So whenever someone has asked me what my idea of the perfect date or perfect romantic evening, i have never given a third thought to it!( I will be fibbing if i say i haven't given a second thought to it!)But yeah, seeing that episode few years back, made me realise how i picture that night for me..

Sandy beach or green grass with dew glistening from it..Dark,clear skies..Endless stars glittering..Faded light of the moon..And my love and me..Staring up at infinity..Yeah..sounds pretty perfect to me :-)

I do wish this would comes true..I really do..

Expecting too much??

I don't understand..I never have been able to..Does everything have to be spelled out to people, specially those who matter to you??This has been one of those unanswerable questions in my life..If i have known that person for years, is it unjust for me to expect them to understand me and my expectations without having to give a detailed explanation every time!!Can it not be understood??I know i am complicated, but i am sure i am not that complicated that my loved one's don't know what will make me happy, or what will hurt me..It annoys me to have to tell them what i am feeling bad about or what i thought they would do or whatever..I don't expect this every time, but yeah..Once a while, it would be nice if i didn't have to spell out all that..It gets frustrating..I need people to know me well..I need them to get me flowers without me having to beg them for it(This is just a small example..I mean more deeper issues here..)!!Is this expecting too much from them??Am i being selfish??Am i the only one like this??I don't know if i will be able to answer these questions ever..

Weekend Getaway!!

This isn't like my other posts with introspection on life or such..Just a simple account of a short, but wonderful weekend in Dehradun and Mussorie..

We ( this includes my bhaiya's and bhabhi and my lil nephew who actually likes me!!) left for dehradun at 4:30a.m. on saturday morning..Had an absolutely back breaking ( ask harsh bhaiya!) 7 hour journey..Took the wrong route i guess..Anyway..I don't remember going to ddun before, so i was amazed when we entered the town..It had an outlet of Yo! China!!!Not that i am particularly fond of that place, but it looked liked mini delhi (owing to its proximity to it i guess)..I guess i had the image of it being a small quaint town, but it even had a McD outlet (if you have been to bhopal, you'd know why i was surprised!)..Then rushed for lunch to a friends place..From there we departed to mussorie..We went to see this absolutely amazing piece of land on top of some mountain in the interiors of the city..I almost died seeing the route to that place!!God bless the people who drove us there..I have never seen a steeper, narrower drive to any place..There were actually places where one couldn't see how broad the road was after the turn!!It was soooooo scary!!!Anyway i don't kn ow if the place was worth the drive or not, but i do know that it was breath taking!!The view was just green luscious mountains with their peaks covered by clouds, magnificent green forests and absolutely blue skies!!!It was like heaven!!From there, i saw small, english style houses, covered by trees, in the mountains..I so wished i could live there..They would just be the most romantic places to snuggle up to someone and sit looking at oblivion..Its a wonderful thought!!

Anyway, after that, we just went home and crashed..Though i couldn't sleep even then!!Went for a sumptuous breakfast again and then left for here..This time, after gathering more knowledge about the routes, we took a much better and smoother way and reached back in 5 hrs!!That was it..Very short vacation i know, but i enjoyed it thoroughly..

It's good to have such getaways at times..Brightens Life!!:-)

:-(

Courtesy:Chas Creek

Today was, rather is, one of those days when I don't have a reason to be in a foul mood..One of those days when everything hurts..Things I wouldn't have even given a second thought about on normal days hurt me tremendously!!I don't like it..I don't like feeling so vulnerable..But yeah, this also helps me keep things in perspective..At least, I tell people what i feel about issues i wouldn't have brought up otherwise..This day just makes me feel lonely and make me see all the things that are bad in my life,every relationship that has problems..Basically everything feels ****ed up..I know its wrong, but i can't help it..This is who i am i guess!!

But yeah, am working on trying to improve it!!By treating myself to a rasmalai and watching back to back episodes of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. (2 done, another 5 to go, definitely!!)

Little drops of Happiness :-)

I have spent most of my 22yrs on this earth, looking for happiness in big things!!From the time i was 5 when happiness was related to going to grandparents house every summer till now when it was related to getting into a decent grad school to getting a good job..These are things that happen rarely..So is it really practical to tie your happiness with them??Of course that is considering you actually desire to be happy!!(We all believe we want it, but how many of us actually desire it?)Every now and then, circumstances remind me that i can't afford to lose any moment being sad..

I had forgotten the joy one gets in getting a unexpected call from an old friend, a compliment for someone you love, or getting up to great weather, knowing what AJAX is(!), or being able to install a camera all by myself( i am very handicapped when it comes to computers!), having a hot cup of tea on a rainy evening, or a song on fm which reminds you of an old flame, that little piece of chocolate cake, a romantic sms.....And so much more..I read this quote somewhere saying that we don't have to die to go to heaven or hell..We all have our own heaven or hell right here which we live in..That's so true..It's in our hands to look at life with "rose coloured glasses" or otherwise..We have the option of getting up on the "Right" side of bed every morning and deciding that it will be a good day..And then it will be..I have lost 22 yrs on looking forward to big things in life..And i hope to amend that immediately!!Hope you do too..

Death..And Life..

NO..i have no fascination with death..But unfortunately, i have been constantly reminded of that since the past few months..It's like god kicks me every few days to remind me that life is so frail..It's just the matter of one second..One second...And your whole life can turn upside down..You every dream can be shattered..Your every hope of happiness is crushed..it's like THE END..Of everything........

Death scares me..Not mine..That i don't care about..But of people i love..I have had to go through this once..I don't know if i have the strength to go through it again..When manu died..All i could think then was, what must chachi being going through..What must his girl friend being going through..I guess that is why it is taking me so long to accept this death..But my point is, I don't think i am strong enough to go through that..If something happened to those few i love, i will probably go crazy..Death is too permanent for me to take..For everyone i guess..All i wanna say is..God bless Ricky..And everyone who is in the heavens..You all will be missed..