Random lines - Dedicated

I can live my life missing him
Torturing myself with that pain
But i dont want that
I dont want him to look down at me and feel sad
I dont want him to go through any more pain than he already has
But..but how do i not let it hurt
How do i not miss my brother, my friend, my baby?
Why does life has to end
Why did it have to end for him?

Reliving......

Reliving the past can never be good right??But how does one escape it??And SHOULD one escape it??I wish i had the answer to any one of these questions...

Better!!I think...

Finally..Finally things seem to be getting better..Atleast on the work front..Yeah, i still have my days where everything seems to fall apart(ask my friends at work!they will give you details!) but atleast i am happier there now..And people have started having a little faith on me..But most of all, i can see myself learning..I can see the change..And that feels good..Its nice to know that i am not as dumb as i think i am..I know my weaknesses..And i am trying to work on them..I guess this is what this experience is about..I know that i will look back on this and be proud of myself!!

But as everything, this situation also has its downside..I just hope that things sort out soon on that front..And i hope this is worth it..

That is life na..It can never be good completely!

Goa!!!

Been missing Goa today..No reason in particular..Actually was watching tv in the morning and saw this song which was shot there..Watching that song sequence, i could feel the wind in my hair with the sea in the background..It was the most memorable trip of my life..That little state feels different..The beautiful by lanes..with the most quaintest of bakery shops..the amazing sea shore..the feel of soft sand beneath your feet..those amazingly lit beach shaks..the smell of happiness..It's all there..

I wish to go back there..Soon that too!

Work..And Me..

Yeah..It's been ages since i wrote..I guess that is why these past few weeks have been the way they have been (Am i talking in riddles?) Well, i guess that is what life has been like since i joined work..A riddle..

It's been a month since i joined work..And i have never felt so unsettled about life as i have been feeling since the last week..All my assumptions about myself have been questioned..And doubted..And worst of all..By me..

I can't believe that i have been acting this way..Work seems to have killed all happiness in me..I have become so obsessed with it that every moment i have of peace, i ensure it is ruined thinking of work..

I don't know if this happens with everyone in general, everyone in the company i work in..Or am i just the lucky one..But work is getting to me..So much so that every morning i get up, all i think is how i don't wanna go to work..About how i would do just about anything to not go that day..It's not that i am scared of working hard..It's just the pressure and expectations of everyone from some one as new as me, that are scaring me..Or probably the longevity of this phase of my life that is scaring me..I don't know..

I guess it is just a bad phase in life..Or whatever..But i need to sort out my head..Everyone has been telling me that i am acting like a child..Which is true..But i can't seem to shake myself up..Even if i do, it is very momentary..A small incident gets me back to that state of mind..I feel like slapping myself..I can't believe i am such a loser..I can't believe that i have given up on this so soon!!This is not the Shraddha i know!!

I do hope things change soon..I want to be happy..And i wanna look forward to work everyday..

Mumbai Meri Jaan..

I never thought it will hurt to miss a city!!I mean, yeah..You miss people..And that hurts..But a city??The truth is..That it does..And it hurts like hell..

To me, Mumbai is Bombay..It's the city which has made me who i am..The city which has given me the most happiness..The city which has given me the most beautiful relationships of my life..Be it friends..Or more than that..It somehow feels good..The air, it makes me feel happy..It makes me feel like this is the place i want to spend the rest of my life with (I do hope i gett o spend the rest of my life there!)I know people have a million complaints about that city..The population, the over crowded locals, the smell, the fast pace etc etc..But its all that that i love Bombay for and soooo much more..I love the fact that i can roam around in that city at 1 o'clock in the nigt in an auto and not lose a heart beat!!I don't have to be on my toes all the time, looking out for people trying to swindle me..I don't have to listen to cheap comments made on me (It does happen, but its far lesser compared to Delhi!)More than anything else, i feel at peace there..That everything will sort out..I never thought a city can make me feel this way about me and life..But it does..Probably it is coz i have spent the most "defining" years of my life my there..Or probably it is the people i have met there whom i have grown to love..Or whatever, it's irrelevant..And i miss it..Like i miss the people i love..I am dying to get back there..

Perfect Date..

Have you seen that episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. where Ross and Rachael are in the planetarium??If you have then you might get a little idea about what i am going to write now..

Am one of those moderately romantic females who expect a card and flowers on her birthday but not on the rest 364 days of the year..So whenever someone has asked me what my idea of the perfect date or perfect romantic evening, i have never given a third thought to it!( I will be fibbing if i say i haven't given a second thought to it!)But yeah, seeing that episode few years back, made me realise how i picture that night for me..

Sandy beach or green grass with dew glistening from it..Dark,clear skies..Endless stars glittering..Faded light of the moon..And my love and me..Staring up at infinity..Yeah..sounds pretty perfect to me :-)

I do wish this would comes true..I really do..