Last week was such a mess..I don't know why god is punishing Appy for all my mistakes!I deserve to go through so much..Not him..He has never even hurt a fly!!And the worst is that i couldn't be with him when he wanted me the most.I know he will never forgive me for this..But i didn't know what to do..I wish i was there..I wish it was me instead of him..It hurts..

One year..........Forever to go..

It's gonna be one year..Can't believe that call was one year back!At some level, I still don't believe that you are not around..I still don't believe that you are not going to pick up my call when I call you..So much has changed over the last year..But somethings don't change..Time hasn't made the pain any lesser..Or any more bearable..I don't know where you are or how you are..Just want you to know that I LOVE YOU more than anything else in the world and i hope that you are in peace..Manyu..I miss you terribly..I wish you were here re..I so wish you were here..

Happy :-)

Am happy for a change..:-) And it feels nice..

Mid January blues!!

Life is a mess..Don't know what to do..Work just gets too much at times..I don't know how to handle it..Even personal like is a mess..Sometimes nothing works for you!!It's like god wants to ensure that every possible door to even a little happiness is taken away..When will this end!!!

Birthday!!

My Birthday is coming!!!I know it sounds ridiculously stupid to get excited at "this age" about things like birthdays but I can't help it!!They have always been special..And always been made special by the people in my life..I have really been very lucky..Have the most amazing set of family and friends..My friends have done such amazing things for me!!They have given me amazing surprises..Said and done the sweetest things..I am glad I am me :-)

I miss him..I miss him so much it hurts..Everyday i wonder, how different life would be if he was here..Please come back bhai..

Scared of Happiness?

I am weird..I really am..I don't know if its commonplace(rather i hope this isn't commonplace) but i am scared..Scared..Scared of being happy..Every time i can feel that feeling creeping up on me, its like warning bells sound in my head!!Shraddha!!You can't be happy!!My mind then drifts away to all those reasons for which i have to be sad about..And hence..I am back to square one..Don't confuse me..I am not in depression or anything like that!!But i believe that one cries as much as one laughs (did u notice that i said "one cries" before "one laughs"??)Anyway..So laughing scares me..Every time it makes me think that i will have to cry one day to square it!!What a terrible way to live life na..Actually its not as bad as it sounds..I am ok..But sometimes i feel that "mid- age crisis" has come to me a little too early in life..I guess i just need peace..And stability in life..I hope this changes soon re!!