One year in ICICI Bank..

It's gonna be one year!!ONE year in this bank..I didn't think I'd last for even 3 months here..But I am so glad I did..Have met few of the most amazing people here..People who have made me gain so much confidence in me and in who I am..They have given me amazing amount of love and respect..I will never be able to forget them..I know time has come for them to move on to better opportunities in life..And I am happy for them..But i hope they know that I will miss them terribly..They have become family now!

Failure..In life..

Its weird how i have failed in everything in life that is important..To me or to others..Be it love, friendship, expectations, happiness..everything..

God knows I try, he knows how hard I try to keep those important me, happy..Somehow i have always failed..Whatever I do is either misinterpreted, misunderstood or not understood at all..I know I have my weaknesses..But I do try to not let it come in other's happiness..It is just getting tougher and tougher..Am lost..What to do..I suffocate myself at times..Just feel like running away..I know its a loser attitude..But I seem to have no other solution right now..When will things get simpler..When will I be able to say that i am actually capable of keeping my loved ones happy..

This is who i am..

I don't understand..Why does the world have a problem with who i am??I am that kind of a person who gives a sh** about what others say or think..Then why do others bother about it..That too those people who i am close to??I quite like myself!Why should i curb myself for people who don;t even matter in my life just coz they have a certain image of me in their minds..I know i have my weaknesses..But so what..Shouldn't the only thing that should matter to my friends be what i feel?I know they are right in what they say..I don't deny that but is what others feel worth me changing myself?Or me pretending to be someone i don't like??I really don't understand this fact..But i guess i am not supposed to understand everything..

I Hate...

I hate this..I hate feeling so strongly about people or issues..I hate always having this nagging feeling that somewhere, somehow, someone is lying to me..I hate expecting so much from people..I hate feeling insecure..I hate feeling possessive..I hate not being in control of myself..I hate being a part of issues where my importance is not even felt..I hate hurting people..I hate hurting myself..I hate hating so much about myself..

Last week was such a mess..I don't know why god is punishing Appy for all my mistakes!I deserve to go through so much..Not him..He has never even hurt a fly!!And the worst is that i couldn't be with him when he wanted me the most.I know he will never forgive me for this..But i didn't know what to do..I wish i was there..I wish it was me instead of him..It hurts..

One year..........Forever to go..

It's gonna be one year..Can't believe that call was one year back!At some level, I still don't believe that you are not around..I still don't believe that you are not going to pick up my call when I call you..So much has changed over the last year..But somethings don't change..Time hasn't made the pain any lesser..Or any more bearable..I don't know where you are or how you are..Just want you to know that I LOVE YOU more than anything else in the world and i hope that you are in peace..Manyu..I miss you terribly..I wish you were here re..I so wish you were here..

Happy :-)

Am happy for a change..:-) And it feels nice..