Ok.. Lets face the truth.. I am scared.. Actually so scared that i don't remember the last time i slept for an hour without waking up.. Life is revolving much much faster that i can catch up with.. Though i do feel that i am trying to get a grip on things, but its really tough.. How does one make oneself stop feeling something you feel so much! I guess i need to learn to make my mind rule my emotions.. And not vice versa!

Anyway.. As my gmail status message says.. It'll get better.. I hope..

Love..Aaj Kaal

Saw "Love Aaj Kal".. And all i could do was cry.. It was almost like seeing my life unfold in front of me.. I remember that scene where Dipika is sitting alone in her flat with just a candle light and crying.. And all I could think was that this is how I am going to end up too.. Alone.. I know that the movie had a happy ending, well it had to.. It's a movie but I don't think my life is going to end up in a happy ending..

I can't believe that life has reached such a stage.. I seemed to have lost so much of me.. It's almost like i have to find my footing all over again.. Never in my life have i wanted to cry and have had no one to call.. Never have i felt so vulnerable.. Never have i looked for a hug and found no one to hug me back :-(

Everyday I hope that things get better.. But they seemed to have just get worse..

It's unbelievable the amount of pain i am going through right now..Everything is a mess..I am so scared..I don't know how i will manage..I have never prayed for so much strength as i do now..

A joke from a friend of mine made me realise that maybe i am not good enough to get a good job on my own capacity..I would always need reference..Is that true??I didn't think so..I have done decently well till now at work..And i cope with pressure easily..Then??I don't know..

For my own sake, i will always have to believe that i can get a job on my own capacity..

Misunderstood..

There are phases in life when whatever you say or do gets misinterpreted..Such are times now..Everything i do has been taken in the wrong sense..I don't mean to hurt anyone..I might not treat people as well as others would like me to, but i will never mean to hurt them..I might not say it or do things that reflect that but they do mean a lot to me..And i might be a terrible person but i love genuinely..No one should doubt that..I know i am wrong..But its never intentional..It will never be..

It has been a long time since i wrote last!And i missed writing!!It's not like nothing good or bad happened in the last X number of days(I know people think i always write when i am sad or angry!)..

A lot has happened re..Life has been full of ups and downs..And i am tired..Work is weird as usual..Don't enjoy what i do..Almost everyone i have voluntarily wanted to work for, has left..I don't have much of an incentive to do so much as to go to work..Don't know what to do..I guess there will be a respite soon..I hope..That is all for now..For people who check this blog to be updated on my life(i hope they are not though), life is maintained at status quo..Till new problems in my life arise..Adieu..

Not Done..

Very disappointed..Don't know in myself or the people around me or just the circumstance..Got to hear something from a senior today that has changed a lot of things in my head..I know I made a mistake..But I don't think I deserved to hear that..I might not have done a lot but have done enough to be given a benefit of doubt sometimes..It hurts you know..After so much, this is what one gets to hear..A friend tells me that this is "Corporate Life"..If this is the kind of life i will be subjected to the next 37 years of my life, then I don't think I am cut out for this..Call me weak or whatever..But I expect things from people..I know that is wrong in itself but that is who I am..And that is what I guess is the main reason for the disappointment..I know I need to learn from this and move on..I am trying too..But its tough..Cause there is no one whom I can tell this to and expect that person to understand..I guess one needs to learn to not depend on others..