An ode to Manu..

Just back from a trip to bhopal..A much needed trip i think..It was great fun..Meeting old friends, living the kinda life i used to 5 yrs back..Was fun..yeah..:)

But i missed 2 people a lot there..One i wont write about coz it's a relationship i still can't accept that it doesn't exist..And it hurts..But the other.......

Manu died almost 3 months back..I still remember that call i received from ma when she told me about him..I still feel the same chills as i did then..I couldnt believe it..It was manu re..How could anything happen to him!!I have always thought about how i would react to losing someone close to me, but you really cant prepare yourself for it..Nothing can..I remember seeing his body lying in the mortuary with nothing but a fan above him and his body full of sand..I can only think of the pain he would have gone through before dying..I wish i could feel it..I think everyday what must have been his last thoughts..I hope he remembered me once..Its a ridiculous hope i know, but i do hope he had..I remember touching his forehead before his funeral, and i got so scared coz it was so cold..I couldnt believe that he could be so cold..

If you know me you'd know that i have only a few people in my life who i love..very few people actually..Be it family or otherwise(to me, its not a necessity to love just coz i am related to them!)..Manu was my brother, my most trusted friend, my source of strength, my source of weakness..I remember the times when we were very young and we used to sleep on our dadi's terrace in summers, he and i used to lie down and stare at the skies and make up constellations that we believed looked like something or the other!!I remember going for a walk with him every morning at 7 to collect flowers for dadi..I remember counting days backward for his visit..Somewhere deep inside, I still do..Most of the happiest memories of my childhood have to do with him..How could i accept that he is dead!!Its been one of the most sobering experience of my life..Makes you realise how important it is tell the people you love, that you love them..Even if they are family..It should never be implied..I used to tell Apuarv that he is the only brother of mine who actually says "i love you sis" to me..And that meant so much to me..I don't think i have ever lost the opportunity to say that to him too, but after all this,one is left feeling that i wish i had done more for him..I really do..I pray so hard that i could get to hug once more..My heart still hurts so badly missing him..Where ever he is, i hope he know i love him..I love him a lot..